"Your daughter," I stated, "is an idiot."

I said this after coming home from the movies tonight, sitting on the kitchen bench while sipping a coffee. My dad just looked at me in that way.

“Your daughter, who – somewhat belatedly – is paying five grand a year for her uni course, who suffered through twelve years of schooling, who claimed that English was her best subject and is planning on pursing a career that heavily involves such a subject... is a dumb shit.”

Again, he just looked at me in his way, waiting for me to make my point.
So I did.

“Your eldest daughter got to the shopping centre half an hour earlier today, and spent around seven dollars on a card for mum for tomorrow. She read absolutely everything on the card, but somehow missed the part where it says ‘Happy Birthday’.”

It was then that I held up said card with my fingertips, as if it contained leprosy. “Face it, I’m screwed.”

Actually, I’m not sure he heard that last sentence, considering he was laughing harder than I’ve seen him laugh for quite some time.

“So, pretty much I’ve butchered the card, cut out the offending words and kind of made it look stupid. But that’s what you get, right? I don’t have time to buy another one.” I said in conclusion, just so at least HE’D know that I don’t just pay seven dollars for a shit card. The card wouldn’t have been shit if not for the fact that it was for mother’s day, not her birthday (considering she’d celebrated the latter like five months ago).

He just continued laughing through all of this, before shaking his head. “Sometimes you can be so blonde, Sarah.”

Indeed.